Independence.

We’ve entered the phase of independence.  The desires of a two year olds heart are few but fierce.  He longs to be in control.  He wants things to happen when he wants it to happen.  He doesn’t understand why he’s being asked to wait, to surrender, to let go of his plans.

Rationally I understand why this is so hard for him.  He is transitioning from a phase where his every need was met.  He cried, he got fed.  He was cuddled whenever he needed comfort.  His toys were always within arms reach and couldn’t hurt anything if they rolled away.  It was a simpler time.

Now we’re dealing with a toddler who wants to eat all the time.  His rapid metabolism {due to his CDH} means I have snacks on the go for him constantly.  Sometimes I’m not fast enough or I’ve made the wrong choice.  His lack of verbal prowess hinders the communication process and leads to much angst and frustration.  His toys are now hard and dangerous.  Tossing them aside can mean damage to things around him.  He doesn’t understand why he cannot do this.  He can’t see why there are limits to his actions.

This new time of testing limits and attempts at expression is difficult on all sides.  I’m attempting to be patient.  I know that it’s a stage that we all go through and I know he is merely trying to find his way in this big, scary world.   These are his first lessons about life.  His first discovery that life isn’t always seem fair.  His first discovery that things don’t always go your way.

For the most part we’re stumbling through it all just find but at times I stop, shake my head and wonder why?  I cannot for the life of me see the merit in attempting to do something over and over again when you know the answer is going to be no.  And then after some thought I realize I do know what that’s like.  I continue to persist with God.  I ram my ideas in to each prayer and constantly demand that things go my way.  I like to pretend I’m open and honest but sometimes {ok a lot of the time} there is a hidden agenda.  There’s an ulterior motive to help make my life more comfortable, to make things better for me. Luckily through it all God continues to love me and work with me {much like we continue to work with our young son}.  There is encouraging and guidance even when I fail to see the bigger picture.  God offers grace even when I don’t deserve it.  God says no when things aren’t right for me.  I’m very lucky that God is patient.  I’m blessed with God’s grace.

Grace is a wonderful thing.  I am so thankful that God offers grace.

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast.” Ephesians 2:8-9

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2 responses to “Independence.

  1. I love this post. You are not the only one who “rams her ideas into each prayer”. Thank you for sharing so openly and honestly. And good luck with your two year old – that is indeed a challenging time!! My son is now 19 and although there are bits of his childhood I really miss, two is not one of them!! (This post would be a very welcome addition to the Gallery of Favorites, if you wanted to join us there. I think it would speak to a lot of people like it has to me!)

  2. Thank you for your gracious comment. I really appreciate it! 🙂

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