I didn’t sign up to be a Surgeon.

Ten years ago when I entered Seminary I had visions of what my life would look like.  Over the years it morphed and changed but generally had the same things.  I would be a minister of a Church.  We would journey together, building build a relationship with each other and the community.  We’d continue working together until my call ended.  Rinse and repeat as needed {or assigned depending on how you look at it}.

Years later things are not as I would have expected.  I travel from place to place. There is a quick entrance, an even quicker exit and little to no relationship. When I stay for a period, I begin to get attached and this leads to pain when I leave.  Not for them, for me.  It’s like a loss.  A realization of the situation I’m in.

I’ve had a hard time explaining this restlessness that I feel, this sense that I’m constantly in transition and never settling in.  This evening I explained it to my husband in terms I thought he would understand {as a family doctor}.

I didn’t sign up for surgery.  I signed up for family medicine.

In medicine the Surgeons are the quick fix.  They come in, cut out what’s wrong and quickly move on to the next patient.  They are always moving.  Always ready for the next project.  They are essential to the health and well being of the patient but not a permanent fixture.  They have energy and determination but they are focused on one specific task, they aren’t big picture people.

I always thought I’d be like a family doctor.  I’d be in relationship with people.  I’d walk with them on their journey.  I’d help them through troubling time, celebrate when things got better and look at the overall health and well being of the person. They are big picture people.  This is what I expected for my life.  I thought I would be helping people see the big picture.

It looks like God had other ideas.  For the time being I’m called to come in, cut to the heart of the matter and get out quick.  I have a hard time letting go.  I like people.  I want to know them.  I guess in time I’ll learn to disconnect more and find peace in that.  For now I’m restless as I move from place to place.  With time I hope that things will settle in and that I’ll grow to find contentment in this role I have been called to.


One response to “I didn’t sign up to be a Surgeon.

  1. Great, concise image. I hope that by naming your work like this, you will find new strength to inhabit it.

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